She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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