Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
