What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
