the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
