So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize