I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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