Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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