How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Randomize
