Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
