you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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