At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
