I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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