Well douche your snatch and let's go!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Someone shattered a urinal.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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