I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A bitchslap is in order.
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