No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
