i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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