shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
