im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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