i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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