i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
