she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize