Farmville is her only friend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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