This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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