i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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