I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
