so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
