and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
