you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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