Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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