So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
