This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
