At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
