it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
