just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
