i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
