I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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