Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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