So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
