FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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