operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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