Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
