Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize