I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
