kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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