So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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