If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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