He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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