my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
