i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
