But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome