Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
