If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
