escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more