I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize