Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.