Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.

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(980): View more from North Carolina

How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

You got my ass fired just for knowing you

(479): View more from Arkansas

thanks for the bacon

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(904): View more from Florida

to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning

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(505): View more from New Mexico

koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty

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(256): View more from Alabama

We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.

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(406): View more from Montana

My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now

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