I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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