Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want her autograph on my taint
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done