Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
