i used baking grease as lip gloss
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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