Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
