Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
