i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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