we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
