and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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