The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
